Being a Woman of God

Lately I have been doing A LOT of thinking about what it means to be a woman of God. And not only what it means, but also what that looks like. I was created in the likeness of God. I was created to be feminine, after the feminine part of our both masculine and feminine God.

Ok great. But what does that mean??

Here's some backstory: I grew up with a very poor example of how a woman should act. Definitely not how a Christian woman should act. Not really even how a non-believer should act. My mother didn't respect herself and didn't value herself. The way she acted (with men, with drugs, with alcohol) made this very apparent. I learned at a very young age that when I was with my mother, I was not safe. I was not protected. I grew up rejecting my femininity because I had to protect myself. I had no time for girly stuff. I had to be strong for my sisters when the nights were bad. At least, in my mind this was what I thought. I grew up thinking I could only depend on myself to protect my heart. When I was 16, my mother essentially told me that it was important that I slept with men, otherwise they wouldn't love me. But that is a completely different story. Needless to say, I grew up with a pretty skewed vision of what being a woman meant. Because of this, I made a lot of very poor choices and built this very sturdy and impenetrable wall around my heart. I didn't want to feel feelings. I didn't want to be emotional. The only emotion I ever allowed myself to feel for a very long time was anger. Rage. Resentment. Again, I rejected my femininity. I saw being feminine as being weak. Feelings were weak. Emotions were weak. I was strong. I was independent.

I was isolated.

It has taken me a very long time (and a lot of healing) to realize that I was actually created to be feminine. I was created to be a woman. God designed me. He fashioned me delicately. He protects me passionately. I am not weak because I am feminine. I am strong because I am feminine. I am powerful because I am feminine. I am a force to be reckoned with. When God created Eve, He took a rib out of Adam and fashioned Eve. It's interesting that God chose a rib to create Eve from. A rib's main function is to protect the heart. What this symbolizes to me is Adam's (man's) duty to protect Eve's (woman's) heart. As a woman, I was made to be tender-hearted. While it is my responsibility to guard my heart, Daddy God protects my heart. He is the ultimate protector. And He is the ultimate healer of once unguarded and unprotected hearts. But it's more difficult for Him to protect my heart when I don't allow Him to have it. As I have been walking with the Lord, I have come to learn that I have to make the conscious decision to give Him my heart to protect it. When He holds my heart, I can be vulnerable AND strong. I can be emotional and not be weak. I can be feminine the way He created me to be.

Allowing myself to feel emotions again has been a process. The enemy is good at convincing me I'm being weak and silly when I cry or when I'm hurt. But I try to push that out of my head because being feminine is powerful. I was made in the likeness of God. I am a daughter of the King. I am a co-heir with Christ. I was made to co-reign, equally, alongside men. Kris Vallotton said in one of his sermons that "when we reduce women, we reduce the image of God."

When I reduce myself as a woman, I reduce the image of God.

Woah.